1
00:00:00,224 --> 00:00:02,199
I love a good remake,
but did we really need
2
00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:04,142
a black version of "Pride and Prejudice"?
3
00:00:04,143 --> 00:00:06,444
Yeah. You know,
it was mainly just prejudice.
4
00:00:06,445 --> 00:00:07,712
You know what?
5
00:00:07,713 --> 00:00:09,414
I just think they need to knock it off
6
00:00:09,415 --> 00:00:10,882
with all the remakes, don't you?
7
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Leave well enough alone.
8
00:00:26,332 --> 00:00:27,332
Oh.
9
00:00:27,333 --> 00:00:28,733
What the hell?!
10
00:00:28,734 --> 00:00:31,636
Uh, how was the movie?
11
00:00:38,711 --> 00:00:43,671
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
12
00:00:43,716 --> 00:00:45,850
We were only gone for two hours,
13
00:00:45,851 --> 00:00:48,219
and that included a stop at Pinkberry.
14
00:00:48,220 --> 00:00:50,755
I want to know who broke my damn window.
15
00:00:50,756 --> 00:00:52,557
So, I'm gonna be straight up with y'all.
16
00:00:52,558 --> 00:00:55,627
No reason to beat around the bush.
17
00:00:55,628 --> 00:00:57,495
I don't have a damn clue.
18
00:00:57,496 --> 00:00:59,097
That's all right, because one thing
19
00:00:59,098 --> 00:01:01,599
I can count on is
somebody dropping the dime.
20
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,835
So let the finger-pointing begin now.
21
00:01:05,804 --> 00:01:07,739
And... now.
22
00:01:09,408 --> 00:01:12,010
Whoa. Really? Come on, Tia.
23
00:01:12,011 --> 00:01:13,945
I honestly have no idea.
24
00:01:13,946 --> 00:01:15,213
Me neither.
25
00:01:15,214 --> 00:01:18,616
Yeah, it's just one of
them mysteries, like taxes.
26
00:01:18,617 --> 00:01:20,485
Or like, what does the Tooth Fairy do
27
00:01:20,486 --> 00:01:22,053
with all the teeth she takes?
28
00:01:22,054 --> 00:01:25,056
And when her teeth fall
out, like, who takes them?
29
00:01:25,057 --> 00:01:26,357
Is there a smaller fairy?
30
00:01:26,358 --> 00:01:29,360
Like, help a sister out!
Come on! Say something!
31
00:01:29,361 --> 00:01:31,729
Uh, she had a little
bit too much sugar today.
32
00:01:31,730 --> 00:01:33,898
Okay, everybody go to your room.
33
00:01:33,899 --> 00:01:35,233
Oh...
34
00:01:35,234 --> 00:01:36,467
This isn't over.
35
00:01:37,736 --> 00:01:41,139
So, y'all want to order a couple
calzones to hash things out?
36
00:01:41,140 --> 00:01:43,041
Buck, can you give us a minute?
37
00:01:43,042 --> 00:01:45,276
Well, before y'all make up your mind,
38
00:01:45,277 --> 00:01:47,512
just remember, watch your little feet,
39
00:01:47,513 --> 00:01:49,814
'cause there's a lot
of glass around here.
40
00:01:50,916 --> 00:01:53,284
- What the heck was that all about?
- I know.
41
00:01:53,285 --> 00:01:56,387
Normally, these kids rat on each
other with very little prompting.
42
00:01:56,388 --> 00:01:58,956
Well, whatever it is, we're
gonna have to figure it out.
43
00:01:58,957 --> 00:02:00,792
Yeah. Like an episode of "Law and Order."
44
00:02:00,793 --> 00:02:02,193
Bing, bong!
45
00:02:02,194 --> 00:02:03,328
What was that?
46
00:02:03,329 --> 00:02:05,863
Sound from the show. Bing, bong!
47
00:02:05,864 --> 00:02:09,000
No, it wasn't. That was the
sound of a broken doorbell.
48
00:02:10,669 --> 00:02:12,937
I designed this house.
I love every part of it.
49
00:02:12,938 --> 00:02:14,706
These windows are like my children.
50
00:02:14,707 --> 00:02:15,973
You have real children.
51
00:02:15,974 --> 00:02:17,942
And look what they've done.
52
00:02:17,943 --> 00:02:19,610
Look what they've done.
53
00:02:19,611 --> 00:02:21,412
Honey, we'll figure it out.
54
00:02:21,413 --> 00:02:22,847
You're right.
55
00:02:22,848 --> 00:02:26,084
So, who do we question first...
the sitter or the snitch?
56
00:02:26,085 --> 00:02:28,186
The snitch.
57
00:02:28,187 --> 00:02:30,621
Why'd you bring me in first?
58
00:02:30,622 --> 00:02:32,023
Well, you're our favorite.
59
00:02:32,024 --> 00:02:33,925
Don't tell the others.
60
00:02:33,926 --> 00:02:36,039
And, also, we thought we
may have put you on the spot
61
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,208
in front of the people who
probably actually did it.
62
00:02:38,209 --> 00:02:41,332
So you can speak freely. It's
just us now, The I.Q. Crew.
63
00:02:41,333 --> 00:02:43,167
Kombucha?
64
00:02:43,168 --> 00:02:44,502
Don't mind if I do.
65
00:02:44,503 --> 00:02:46,804
But I already told you, I
don't know what happened.
66
00:02:46,805 --> 00:02:49,907
Uh, then, tell us what you do know.
67
00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:52,310
Well, Uncle Buck was making us lunch,
68
00:02:52,311 --> 00:02:54,612
if that's what you want to call it.
69
00:02:54,613 --> 00:02:57,915
I was reading Joan
Didion's essay on California
70
00:02:57,916 --> 00:03:00,518
and taking notes in the margin when...
71
00:03:00,519 --> 00:03:02,653
Hey, hey, hey! Who wants lunch?
72
00:03:02,654 --> 00:03:04,122
Pop, pop, shazam!
73
00:03:04,123 --> 00:03:06,057
I do. Ooh, ooh! Check it.
74
00:03:06,058 --> 00:03:07,358
"Pop, pop, shazam"?
75
00:03:07,359 --> 00:03:09,460
You make Buck sound like
he's in an '80s sitcom.
76
00:03:09,461 --> 00:03:10,661
That's how he sounds to me.
77
00:03:10,662 --> 00:03:12,830
Yeah. Me too. Anyway, go on.
78
00:03:12,831 --> 00:03:14,832
Whoo!
79
00:03:14,833 --> 00:03:17,502
- Hey, where's Maizy.
- I'm here!
80
00:03:19,138 --> 00:03:20,805
Maizy, why are you
wearing a bee costume?
81
00:03:20,806 --> 00:03:22,940
Who cares? I'm cute.
82
00:03:22,941 --> 00:03:24,175
Ah.
83
00:03:24,176 --> 00:03:25,643
So, what y'all hungry for?
84
00:03:25,644 --> 00:03:26,677
Ice cream!
85
00:03:26,678 --> 00:03:28,012
Corn dogs and pizza.
86
00:03:28,013 --> 00:03:30,815
Well, I think we should
probably eat something healthy.
87
00:03:30,816 --> 00:03:32,784
Childhood obesity is an epidemic.
88
00:03:32,785 --> 00:03:35,553
- So smart, sis.
- You're my idol.
89
00:03:35,554 --> 00:03:38,156
Insert Fat Marcus story.
90
00:03:38,157 --> 00:03:39,924
How about we steam some vegetables?
91
00:03:39,925 --> 00:03:43,294
I have some baby bok choy in there
I've been saving for a special occasion.
92
00:03:43,295 --> 00:03:44,495
Oh, we can do that.
93
00:03:44,496 --> 00:03:46,864
Or you can pick a number from 1 to 3.
94
00:03:46,865 --> 00:03:48,199
Uh, 2?
95
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:49,801
1, 2.
96
00:03:49,802 --> 00:03:52,470
Okay. Here we go.
97
00:03:52,471 --> 00:03:55,206
Look, check it out.
98
00:03:55,207 --> 00:03:58,443
In the hood, we call it
refrigerator roulette.
99
00:03:58,444 --> 00:03:59,844
Pop, pop, shazam!
100
00:03:59,845 --> 00:04:00,978
I call the capers.
101
00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:03,147
And I'll get Pepper's ear medicine.
102
00:04:03,148 --> 00:04:04,782
Hang on a minute, Tia.
103
00:04:04,783 --> 00:04:07,919
So Buck feeds you by pulling
random shelves out of the fridge?
104
00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:10,621
No, but he doesn't put
a lot of thought into it.
105
00:04:10,622 --> 00:04:12,924
I mean, he made Maizy a syrup sandwich.
106
00:04:12,925 --> 00:04:14,292
Come on, Tia!
107
00:04:14,293 --> 00:04:16,527
Actually, Buck does
love a syrup sandwich.
108
00:04:16,528 --> 00:04:18,162
I do, too. It's a hood thing.
109
00:04:18,163 --> 00:04:22,400
I see y'all on that
real cul-de-sac diet.
110
00:04:22,401 --> 00:04:24,669
Where I come from, they
didn't have cul-de-sacs.
111
00:04:24,670 --> 00:04:26,437
We had dead ends.
112
00:04:26,438 --> 00:04:27,972
We had to get creative.
113
00:04:27,973 --> 00:04:29,941
This is so good.
114
00:04:29,942 --> 00:04:32,443
Ain't it, man?! Just
call me Wolfgang Buck.
115
00:04:32,444 --> 00:04:33,811
Pop, pop, shazam!
116
00:04:33,812 --> 00:04:35,513
He said Wolfgang Buck.
117
00:04:35,514 --> 00:04:37,615
On point as always, my man.
118
00:04:37,616 --> 00:04:38,950
Ooh, ooh! Check it!
119
00:04:38,951 --> 00:04:40,218
Here, Tia. Have a bite.
120
00:04:40,219 --> 00:04:42,920
No, thanks. That's just
high-fructose corn syrup.
121
00:04:42,921 --> 00:04:45,156
Yeah, corn is a vegetable.
122
00:04:45,157 --> 00:04:47,558
Ain't it, man?
123
00:04:47,559 --> 00:04:49,260
- Oh! Oh!
- Ooh.
124
00:04:50,462 --> 00:04:52,930
They all thought it was
hilarious, but I didn't.
125
00:04:52,931 --> 00:04:56,501
Pepper was humiliated, so I took
him upstairs to give him a bath.
126
00:04:56,502 --> 00:04:59,637
Wow. You gave Pepper
a bath. He hates baths.
127
00:04:59,638 --> 00:05:01,439
He bit me last time. Punctured my Polo.
128
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:02,974
That close to losing a nipple.
129
00:05:04,676 --> 00:05:07,612
Well, I have a special
connection with Pepper.
130
00:05:07,613 --> 00:05:10,314
I won't say "spirit animal,"
but we're close like that.
131
00:05:11,283 --> 00:05:13,217
Calm yourself. I know.
132
00:05:13,218 --> 00:05:14,952
The others are so crass.
133
00:05:14,953 --> 00:05:17,355
But if you ask me, they're the animals.
134
00:05:21,693 --> 00:05:25,596
And that's when I saw Buck and
Miles and their little project.
135
00:05:27,399 --> 00:05:30,668
Ooh! A button. I love buttons.
136
00:05:30,669 --> 00:05:32,150
Hey, hey, Maizy.
137
00:05:32,174 --> 00:05:33,671
Don't touch that. That's dangerous.
138
00:05:33,672 --> 00:05:35,973
Now, go wash your hands.
You're getting syrup everywhere.
139
00:05:35,974 --> 00:05:38,276
Please, Mr. Buck. For
you, this is a joke.
140
00:05:38,277 --> 00:05:39,977
For me, it is my livelihood.
141
00:05:39,978 --> 00:05:42,179
Gentlemen, as you know,
142
00:05:42,180 --> 00:05:44,282
I've always supported your creativity,
143
00:05:44,283 --> 00:05:46,150
but playing with the wood chipper
144
00:05:46,151 --> 00:05:48,119
seems, at best, ill-advised.
145
00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,888
That's how we do. Pop, pop, shazam!
146
00:05:50,889 --> 00:05:52,657
Okay, what does that even mean?
147
00:05:52,658 --> 00:05:54,625
Uh, if you have to ask,
you can't afford it.
148
00:05:54,626 --> 00:05:56,127
Also nonsensical.
149
00:05:56,128 --> 00:05:57,695
You know, Mark Twain once said,
150
00:05:57,696 --> 00:05:59,630
"It is better to keep your mouth closed
151
00:05:59,631 --> 00:06:01,365
and let people think you are a fool
152
00:06:01,366 --> 00:06:03,234
than to open it and remove all doubt."
153
00:06:03,235 --> 00:06:05,670
Dang, she schooled us again.
154
00:06:05,671 --> 00:06:07,705
Yeah, we'll never beat
her in a war of words.
155
00:06:07,706 --> 00:06:09,656
She's too verbally, uh,
uh... What's the word?
156
00:06:09,657 --> 00:06:10,308
Adept.
157
00:06:10,309 --> 00:06:12,610
That's it! Pop, pop, shazam!
158
00:06:12,611 --> 00:06:14,645
Let's do it again!
159
00:06:15,881 --> 00:06:17,515
Okay, that's enough.
160
00:06:17,516 --> 00:06:20,851
So it was Miles and Buck on the
pool deck with the wood chipper.
161
00:06:20,852 --> 00:06:22,520
Easiest game of "Clue" ever.
162
00:06:22,521 --> 00:06:24,889
That's not what I said.
I didn't see it happen.
163
00:06:24,890 --> 00:06:26,857
After that, I took a shower.
164
00:06:26,858 --> 00:06:29,060
When I got out, I was
looking for my blow dryer.
165
00:06:29,061 --> 00:06:31,996
That's when I heard a crash,
and then you two came home.
166
00:06:31,997 --> 00:06:35,232
Maybe you guys did it.
167
00:06:36,201 --> 00:06:37,335
Ha ha.
168
00:06:37,336 --> 00:06:39,770
You can go, but don't leave the area.
169
00:06:43,342 --> 00:06:45,710
Oh, my God. I think she's lying to us.
170
00:06:45,711 --> 00:06:47,011
Not Tia.
171
00:06:47,012 --> 00:06:50,014
Remember she signed that
integrity pledge when she was 5?
172
00:06:50,015 --> 00:06:51,382
Yeah, she wrote it herself.
173
00:06:51,383 --> 00:06:54,719
But I'm still catching the
unmistakable odor of a cover-up.
174
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:57,154
Yeah, and I think we both
know who the mastermind is.
175
00:06:57,155 --> 00:06:59,390
So why don't we just go
on and cut to the chase
176
00:06:59,391 --> 00:07:00,558
and bring in the sitter?
177
00:07:00,559 --> 00:07:01,959
Cling, clang.
178
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:04,295
Just say it. You've
never seen "Law and Order."
179
00:07:07,464 --> 00:07:10,885
- Thanks for coming in.
- I know my rights.
180
00:07:10,886 --> 00:07:13,491
I get one phone call, an attorney,
181
00:07:13,492 --> 00:07:16,293
and some of that nasty-ass
coffee in the vending machine.
182
00:07:16,294 --> 00:07:17,795
You're not under arrest, Buck.
183
00:07:17,796 --> 00:07:19,063
Oh, well, cool.
184
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:20,364
I'll just go down to Costco's
185
00:07:20,365 --> 00:07:22,299
and get me a pack of jeans
and some free samples.
186
00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:24,014
Listen, we're not
accusing you of anything.
187
00:07:24,015 --> 00:07:25,438
We just need to know what happened.
188
00:07:25,439 --> 00:07:29,096
Okay, well, we were
about to go get lunch.
189
00:07:29,908 --> 00:07:32,076
Don't you lie to me, Buck!
190
00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:33,644
What were you doing in there?
191
00:07:33,645 --> 00:07:35,212
I was playing good cop, bad cop.
192
00:07:35,213 --> 00:07:37,481
He won't respond to that.
All cops are bad to Buck.
193
00:07:37,482 --> 00:07:39,950
But don't worry. I know just
how to get inside his head.
194
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,121
Tia told us everything.
195
00:07:44,122 --> 00:07:46,590
Who did it? 'Cause I'm dying to know.
196
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,425
Damn it. He's too good.
197
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,609
It's like he's playing chess,
and I'm playing checkers.
198
00:07:50,610 --> 00:07:51,995
Okay, honey, take a break.
199
00:07:51,996 --> 00:07:54,798
Buck, start from the beginning.
200
00:07:54,799 --> 00:07:55,999
What happened?
201
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,969
Like I was saying, I was fixing lunch.
202
00:07:58,970 --> 00:08:01,739
Children, lunch!
203
00:08:01,740 --> 00:08:04,007
- Hey, Uncle Buck.
- We love you.
204
00:08:04,008 --> 00:08:05,943
- Aww.
- Your splendiferousness
205
00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:08,212
is the very apex of perfectionism.
206
00:08:08,213 --> 00:08:09,747
She actually said that?
207
00:08:09,748 --> 00:08:11,281
Yeah, you hear how she talk.
208
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,250
The girl uses a dictionary for a pillow.
209
00:08:13,251 --> 00:08:14,618
Listen, my darlings.
210
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,987
Every child is a unique snowflake.
211
00:08:16,988 --> 00:08:21,058
And because I knew that,
I fixed your favorites.
212
00:08:21,059 --> 00:08:24,394
Oh, awesome! Pizza and corn dogs!
213
00:08:24,395 --> 00:08:26,096
Ice cream!
214
00:08:26,097 --> 00:08:28,732
And disgusting kale
that I pretend to like!
215
00:08:28,733 --> 00:08:30,067
Your gastronomical technique
216
00:08:30,068 --> 00:08:32,736
is both sagacious and pituitary.
217
00:08:32,737 --> 00:08:34,471
Come on, Buck. That's just gibberish.
218
00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:36,240
Yeah, who you telling?
219
00:08:37,942 --> 00:08:40,410
You kids are so lucky to
have so many food choices.
220
00:08:40,411 --> 00:08:42,813
Back in the day, we had to improvise.
221
00:08:42,814 --> 00:08:44,248
Oh, great. A hood tale.
222
00:08:44,249 --> 00:08:45,682
I love hood tales.
223
00:08:45,683 --> 00:08:49,887
Hood tales! Hood tales!
Hood tales! Hood tales!
224
00:08:49,888 --> 00:08:52,856
There once was a lady
that lived in a shoe.
225
00:08:52,857 --> 00:08:56,293
She had so many baby daddies
she didn't know what to do.
226
00:08:58,129 --> 00:09:01,165
You know, maybe you could run those
hood tales by us in the future.
227
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,349
Yeah, yeah, a little heads-up
on the baby daddies, bro.
228
00:09:03,350 --> 00:09:05,602
So I'm assuming this is the
part where you make Maizy
229
00:09:05,603 --> 00:09:08,105
the syrup sandwich and
it falls on the dog?
230
00:09:08,106 --> 00:09:08,764
Maybe.
231
00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:10,708
Well, cut to the chase.
What happened after that?
232
00:09:10,709 --> 00:09:12,943
Miles had a problem, so I did what I do.
233
00:09:12,944 --> 00:09:14,845
Which was break the
window. Come on, Buck.
234
00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:16,446
Just say it so we can all go home.
235
00:09:16,447 --> 00:09:18,849
- I am home.
- We'll see about that.
236
00:09:21,586 --> 00:09:24,221
Great lunch, Uncle Buck. I
wish my grades were that good.
237
00:09:24,222 --> 00:09:25,656
What's going on, little man?
238
00:09:25,657 --> 00:09:26,757
I'm flunking science.
239
00:09:26,758 --> 00:09:28,892
They said I could get
extra credit if I come up
240
00:09:28,893 --> 00:09:31,295
with an experiment that
demonstrates global warming,
241
00:09:31,296 --> 00:09:32,496
but I can't think of one.
242
00:09:32,497 --> 00:09:34,565
Oh, easy. We'll just make a glacier.
243
00:09:34,566 --> 00:09:35,533
How?
244
00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:38,368
By putting ice in the blender,
then put it in the oven,
245
00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:40,637
and raise the temperature
until it melts.
246
00:09:40,638 --> 00:09:41,872
That's global warming.
247
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,574
Oh, great idea, Uncle Buck.
248
00:09:43,575 --> 00:09:47,110
How do you manage to take care
of us so well and stay so cool?
249
00:09:47,111 --> 00:09:49,413
Easy. I put your needs first,
250
00:09:49,414 --> 00:09:51,815
and I make sure my Jordans are fresh.
251
00:09:51,816 --> 00:09:53,250
Hey, everybody!
252
00:09:53,251 --> 00:09:54,785
Hi, Hector the gardener.
253
00:09:54,786 --> 00:09:56,086
I was trimming the trees,
254
00:09:56,087 --> 00:09:58,655
and I overheard about
Miles' extra-credit project.
255
00:09:58,656 --> 00:09:59,923
Correct me if I'm wrong,
256
00:09:59,924 --> 00:10:02,726
but a bigger glacier
means a bigger score, no?
257
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:04,194
It makes sense.
258
00:10:04,195 --> 00:10:06,330
I have an idea!
259
00:10:06,331 --> 00:10:08,765
So the wood chipper was Hector's idea?
260
00:10:08,766 --> 00:10:10,400
Let's call it a collaboration.
261
00:10:10,401 --> 00:10:12,636
Hector was definitely in the loop.
262
00:10:12,637 --> 00:10:15,939
So we take some bags of ice and
put them into the wood chipper
263
00:10:15,940 --> 00:10:18,909
to make a giant glacier
for Mr. Miles' experiment.
264
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,777
Do we need a giant oven, too?
265
00:10:20,778 --> 00:10:22,121
No, sticky little bee.
266
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,680
The sun will be our oven.
267
00:10:23,681 --> 00:10:25,415
Now, Hector, are you sure this is safe?
268
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:27,417
As I always say all the time,
269
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:30,554
safety is the most important
thing when kids are around.
270
00:10:32,557 --> 00:10:35,425
Why so cautious, Mr. Buck?
Life is for the living.
271
00:10:35,426 --> 00:10:37,661
All right, man. Let's make
a big-ass ice glacier, then.
272
00:10:45,403 --> 00:10:48,272
The bee! She dances in winter.
273
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,906
It is unnatural.
274
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:55,345
Hey, Maizy, don't touch
that. That's dangerous.
275
00:10:55,346 --> 00:10:57,714
And go wash your hands. You're
getting syrup everywhere.
276
00:10:58,816 --> 00:11:01,051
Guys, I fear this activity
277
00:11:01,052 --> 00:11:04,321
will result in glamtopolous
and ramitunctious fetter wetter.
278
00:11:04,322 --> 00:11:07,591
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
279
00:11:07,592 --> 00:11:09,192
Blah, blah, blah.
280
00:11:09,193 --> 00:11:10,160
Wait a minute.
281
00:11:10,161 --> 00:11:12,029
Did Tia have a stroke?
282
00:11:12,030 --> 00:11:14,932
Okay, never mind. Buck,
what were you thinking?
283
00:11:14,933 --> 00:11:17,601
That I was trying to make
education fun for your son,
284
00:11:17,602 --> 00:11:19,636
who, like me, has focus issues.
285
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,204
So you mean to tell me
286
00:11:21,205 --> 00:11:22,906
nothing went wrong
with that wood chipper?
287
00:11:22,907 --> 00:11:24,241
No, Detective,
288
00:11:24,242 --> 00:11:26,977
because the wood chipper
broke before the window did.
289
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,612
The window didn't break itself, Buck.
290
00:11:28,613 --> 00:11:31,982
So you assume I did it? Real nice.
291
00:11:31,983 --> 00:11:33,483
Thought you'd know by now
292
00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:36,053
that I wouldn't put your
home or your kids at risk.
293
00:11:36,054 --> 00:11:39,056
Look, if you're not gonna
charge me, I'll be on my way.
294
00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:47,597
So Buck's telling the
truth and Tia's lying?
295
00:11:47,598 --> 00:11:48,924
- This is weird.
- You know what?
296
00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:50,525
- I actually do believe him.
- I do, too.
297
00:11:50,526 --> 00:11:51,692
Here's something weirder.
298
00:11:51,693 --> 00:11:54,730
Our only shot at finding
out the truth is with Miles.
299
00:11:54,731 --> 00:11:56,565
I didn't see that coming.
300
00:11:56,566 --> 00:11:59,468
I'll go get him.
301
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,770
I, too, have a story to tell.
302
00:12:03,273 --> 00:12:05,240
Huh. Didn't see that coming, either.
303
00:12:08,044 --> 00:12:11,713
Mi amor... you chip the wood...
304
00:12:11,714 --> 00:12:16,418
that makes the mulch...
that makes the flowers grow.
305
00:12:16,419 --> 00:12:18,887
Thank you, John Deere.
306
00:12:18,888 --> 00:12:20,522
Hector!
307
00:12:20,523 --> 00:12:24,259
Bring me the wood
chipper now, my friend.
308
00:12:24,260 --> 00:12:26,328
Be smart, Hector.
309
00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:27,929
You know how this ends.
310
00:12:27,930 --> 00:12:30,265
Please, Don Buck. You
don't have to do this.
311
00:12:30,266 --> 00:12:33,669
Until now, she only tasted wood.
312
00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:36,571
Now she's going to taste the ice.
313
00:12:36,572 --> 00:12:37,572
No!
314
00:12:37,573 --> 00:12:38,840
Ohh!
315
00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:41,510
You're scaring Jalapeño Pepper!
316
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:44,079
Violence solves nothing, Tío Buck.
317
00:12:48,584 --> 00:12:50,686
Hector, thank you.
That was enlightening.
318
00:12:50,687 --> 00:12:52,821
I swear it's all true,
even the dancing bee.
319
00:12:52,822 --> 00:12:55,424
- Yeah. We'll be in touch.
- Okay.
320
00:12:56,993 --> 00:12:59,161
Well, that was both
Spanish and irrelevant.
321
00:12:59,162 --> 00:13:00,562
All right, it's time for Miles.
322
00:13:00,563 --> 00:13:02,531
- Probably where we should have started.
- Yeah.
323
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:05,133
Whatever this cover-up is,
that boy's the weak link.
324
00:13:05,134 --> 00:13:06,268
He think he got game,
325
00:13:06,269 --> 00:13:08,470
but he's always tripping
over his own lies.
326
00:13:08,471 --> 00:13:10,939
Yeah, let's bring in
the repeat offender.
327
00:13:12,408 --> 00:13:15,043
Uh, look, guys, I
don't want any trouble.
328
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:16,211
I've got priors.
329
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:19,181
We're familiar with your
work. Now start talking.
330
00:13:19,182 --> 00:13:20,515
I'm gonna. I'm gonna.
331
00:13:20,516 --> 00:13:21,950
I'm just gonna tell you
332
00:13:21,951 --> 00:13:24,953
everything that went down
exactly as it happened.
333
00:13:24,954 --> 00:13:27,856
Yo, Miles! Lunch!
334
00:13:47,443 --> 00:13:50,345
I hate to admit it, Miles,
but you're cool as hell.
335
00:13:50,346 --> 00:13:53,982
And I love to admit
it, Tia. You are not.
336
00:13:55,385 --> 00:13:56,485
You got her, brother.
337
00:13:56,486 --> 00:13:57,619
You totally did.
338
00:13:57,620 --> 00:13:58,920
I did. I did.
339
00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:01,523
So in your mind, you're
the rapper Big Sean.
340
00:14:01,524 --> 00:14:03,027
We have a lot of similarities.
341
00:14:03,028 --> 00:14:05,127
Just skip to the wood-chipper part.
342
00:14:05,128 --> 00:14:06,428
You got it.
343
00:14:08,798 --> 00:14:11,433
Damn, Miles, all them
girls blowing up your phone.
344
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:12,601
Ain't you gonna hit 'em up?
345
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,136
Man, they all up in their feelings.
346
00:14:14,137 --> 00:14:16,338
I got to keep my head in
this. I'm flunking science.
347
00:14:16,339 --> 00:14:19,207
- Oh. - I can get extra
credit if I do an experiment
348
00:14:19,208 --> 00:14:21,143
that demonstrates global warming,
349
00:14:21,144 --> 00:14:23,178
but I can't think of one right now.
350
00:14:23,179 --> 00:14:24,513
I got an idea.
351
00:14:24,514 --> 00:14:27,115
Let's take a break and
build a big-ass snow cone.
352
00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:28,884
Sound good to you, little man?
353
00:14:28,885 --> 00:14:29,918
That's what's up.
354
00:14:29,919 --> 00:14:31,620
Cool, 'cause I just happen to have
355
00:14:31,621 --> 00:14:34,322
two jugs of slightly
expired snow-cone syrup
356
00:14:34,323 --> 00:14:36,892
that I bought from a dude
outside the liquor store.
357
00:14:36,893 --> 00:14:38,994
So you weren't working
on a school project.
358
00:14:38,995 --> 00:14:41,463
You were making a giant snow cone.
359
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:43,298
Yes. I mean... I mean, no.
360
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,633
I mean...
361
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:47,402
- Can I have some water, Mommy?
- No.
362
00:14:48,337 --> 00:14:51,306
Look, Uncle Buck came up
with the idea of a glacier,
363
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,941
but we both instantly realized
364
00:14:52,942 --> 00:14:54,810
that we could also
have a giant snow cone.
365
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:57,813
I mean, it was a two-for-one.
You can understand that, right?
366
00:14:57,814 --> 00:15:00,081
And then you broke
Hector's wood chipper.
367
00:15:00,082 --> 00:15:02,651
No, no, no, no, no. Um,
it just jammed. That's all.
368
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:04,753
But we came up with a solution.
369
00:15:10,927 --> 00:15:13,361
Oh, man, that ain't enough
for a giant snow cone.
370
00:15:13,362 --> 00:15:15,797
Hector, what's wrong with
this ratchet-ass wood chipper?
371
00:15:15,798 --> 00:15:17,466
What's wrong with the wood chipper?
372
00:15:17,467 --> 00:15:20,068
It's broken because it's a wood
chipper, not an ice chipper.
373
00:15:20,069 --> 00:15:22,370
Don't worry. The gears are just frozen.
374
00:15:22,371 --> 00:15:23,505
Wait a minute, guys.
375
00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:25,807
I'm remembering something
from science class.
376
00:15:25,808 --> 00:15:27,042
What?
377
00:15:27,043 --> 00:15:29,110
Doesn't heat melt ice?
378
00:15:29,111 --> 00:15:30,579
Oh, man.
379
00:15:30,580 --> 00:15:32,380
You know what? I think Miles is right.
380
00:15:32,381 --> 00:15:33,949
I got an idea.
381
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,127
Welcome to "Iris Out,"
382
00:15:37,128 --> 00:15:39,754
a podcast featuring feminist cinema.
383
00:15:39,755 --> 00:15:41,289
Let's talk lady film.
384
00:15:41,290 --> 00:15:43,725
A podcast in the shower?
385
00:15:43,726 --> 00:15:45,560
You might as well read a book in there?
386
00:15:45,561 --> 00:15:47,429
That is so weak.
387
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,932
I say we let science
work its magic, fellas.
388
00:15:50,933 --> 00:15:52,667
In the meantime, I
guess I will just chip
389
00:15:52,668 --> 00:15:54,903
your very prickly bushes by hand.
390
00:15:54,904 --> 00:15:56,371
All right, Hector.
391
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:59,005
Well, it looks like it's enough
snow for regular-sized snow cones.
392
00:15:59,006 --> 00:16:01,109
Where's that syrup you was
talking about, Uncle Buck?
393
00:16:01,110 --> 00:16:02,377
- Man, I...
- Ahh!
394
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:04,346
I don't know why you need the ice.
395
00:16:04,347 --> 00:16:05,780
It tastes better straight.
396
00:16:05,781 --> 00:16:07,148
See, that's one of them moments
397
00:16:07,149 --> 00:16:09,451
where I wish I would have
watched you a little closer.
398
00:16:09,452 --> 00:16:11,052
I'm cutting you off. Give me that.
399
00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:12,387
Good thinking.
400
00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:15,891
My heart was going real fast,
and then it got real slow.
401
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:17,492
Maybe I'll go take a nap.
402
00:16:17,493 --> 00:16:19,561
Maizy...
403
00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:21,466
You know what would take
this to the next level?
404
00:16:21,467 --> 00:16:22,201
What?
405
00:16:22,202 --> 00:16:24,366
I got a little Kahlúa.
It's in my nightstand.
406
00:16:24,367 --> 00:16:25,367
Yeah, let's do it.
407
00:16:25,368 --> 00:16:27,002
Yeah, let... No, not you.
408
00:16:27,003 --> 00:16:29,571
Yeah, you cool as hell,
but you just a kid.
409
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:31,506
Whatever. I got to pee-pee, anyway.
410
00:16:32,341 --> 00:16:34,109
And then I heard the crash.
411
00:16:34,110 --> 00:16:36,177
- Go on.
- That's it.
412
00:16:36,178 --> 00:16:37,612
What do you mean, "That's it"?
413
00:16:37,613 --> 00:16:39,881
I don't know any more.
414
00:16:39,882 --> 00:16:42,851
Miles, I don't know how much he's
paying you, but we'll double it.
415
00:16:42,852 --> 00:16:44,519
No, we won't. What?
416
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:45,654
You're excused.
417
00:16:49,191 --> 00:16:51,425
This is a hell of a conspiracy.
418
00:16:51,426 --> 00:16:53,093
The Illuminati would be impressed.
419
00:16:53,094 --> 00:16:55,997
Wait a minute. There's
one person we didn't ask.
420
00:16:55,998 --> 00:16:58,300
Miles isn't the missing link.
421
00:16:58,301 --> 00:17:00,702
The missing link is the sugar junkie.
422
00:17:00,703 --> 00:17:03,505
She's tweaking on syrup
right now. Easy pickings.
423
00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:06,241
You feeling better, honey?
424
00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:09,377
I'm coming down, but I
still feel a little loopy.
425
00:17:09,378 --> 00:17:11,246
Well, while your
judgment's still impaired,
426
00:17:11,247 --> 00:17:13,148
can you please tell us
who broke the window?
427
00:17:13,149 --> 00:17:15,917
Sure. I know exactly who did it.
428
00:17:15,918 --> 00:17:17,953
Ahh!
429
00:17:19,055 --> 00:17:21,256
Hey, Maizy! Give me a pour!
430
00:17:21,257 --> 00:17:23,191
Sure, Captain Magic Horn!
431
00:17:26,729 --> 00:17:28,630
Damn, girl. That's too sweet.
432
00:17:31,934 --> 00:17:34,603
My bad. I'm out.
433
00:17:34,604 --> 00:17:36,605
Wait! Don't leave me here!
434
00:17:36,606 --> 00:17:39,174
I want to come to Unicornia!
435
00:17:40,376 --> 00:17:43,979
And Captain Magic Horn
poops jelly beans, too.
436
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:46,247
Um, sweetie, maybe you
should go downstairs
437
00:17:46,248 --> 00:17:48,516
and help your brother
and sister clean up.
438
00:17:48,517 --> 00:17:50,085
Yeah, you shouldn't be lying down.
439
00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:56,343
Do you really think it's
possible this was a freak accident
440
00:17:56,344 --> 00:17:57,967
and they really don't
know what happened?
441
00:17:57,968 --> 00:17:59,995
No way, but they're
sticking to their story.
442
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:01,997
I think we have Buck to thank for that.
443
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:04,099
You're right. Maybe we should.
444
00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:06,468
Thank him? I was being sarcastic.
445
00:18:06,469 --> 00:18:08,136
I know, but think about it, baby.
446
00:18:08,137 --> 00:18:10,305
Before he moved in, this
place was a war zone.
447
00:18:10,306 --> 00:18:11,806
The kids fought all the time.
448
00:18:11,807 --> 00:18:14,342
And in terms of selling each
other out, they were pros.
449
00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:16,211
That was not a fun time.
450
00:18:16,212 --> 00:18:19,214
But look at them now.
They're like a little unit.
451
00:18:19,215 --> 00:18:21,983
You know, when you put it that
way, it is weirdly impressive.
452
00:18:21,984 --> 00:18:25,286
Exactly. That's how brothers
and sisters are supposed to be.
453
00:18:25,287 --> 00:18:27,689
I'm not happy that
the window got broken,
454
00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:30,959
but at the end of the day,
maybe it's not such a bad thing.
455
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:32,627
Though they did start a small fire.
456
00:18:32,628 --> 00:18:35,930
I know, baby. Just...
let the moment breathe.
457
00:18:37,166 --> 00:18:38,800
You missed some glass, kids.
458
00:18:38,801 --> 00:18:40,335
Really?
459
00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:42,737
Shouldn't the person who made
the mess be cleaning it up?
460
00:18:42,738 --> 00:18:44,506
What you talking about? I didn't do it.
461
00:18:44,507 --> 00:18:46,975
- Come on, man.
- I didn't do it!
462
00:18:46,976 --> 00:18:48,410
Well, we all assumed you did.
463
00:18:48,411 --> 00:18:50,754
So we're all covering for you
so you didn't get in trouble.
464
00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,313
Or go back to jail.
465
00:18:52,314 --> 00:18:55,784
You know, in spite of
that comment, thanks, kids.
466
00:18:55,785 --> 00:18:57,519
That really means a lot.
467
00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:00,021
Then I wonder what happened.
468
00:19:37,460 --> 00:19:40,095
I guess some mysteries
will never be solved,
469
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,197
like why Kahlúa go with everything.
470
00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:47,302
This is orange juice,
and it kind of works.
471
00:19:47,303 --> 00:19:48,670
Seriously?
472
00:19:48,671 --> 00:19:50,205
Mmm!
473
00:19:54,270 --> 00:19:55,871
Got you, you little, dirty mutt!
474
00:19:55,872 --> 00:19:58,073
See, I knew you broke that window.
475
00:19:58,074 --> 00:20:01,677
You got everybody around here
fooled, but I know what you are,
476
00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:03,312
and now they will, too.
477
00:20:03,313 --> 00:20:05,213
Game over, little bitch!
478
00:20:05,214 --> 00:20:06,748
Come back here!
479
00:20:06,749 --> 00:20:08,550
This is your last meal!
480
00:20:10,286 --> 00:20:13,522
Ohh! Ohh!
481
00:20:15,191 --> 00:20:16,458
He... He...
482
00:20:16,459 --> 00:20:18,026
That little...
483
00:20:18,027 --> 00:20:19,594
The proof is...
484
00:20:19,595 --> 00:20:21,096
Oh, forget it. I did it.
485
00:20:21,097 --> 00:20:22,798
This ain't over.
486
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,601
And is that my camera?!
487
00:20:26,602 --> 00:20:29,662
Subtitle sync and corrections by
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